Two Dads with Three Families
Steve Ledoux
California
My husband and I originally wished to create one family, but we ended up with three! Both in our mid-50's, we decided to grow our family through the foster-adopt system with the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. Our first step was to go through the, sometimes daunting, classes, training, licensing, paperwork and home study. The whole process, including waiting for a match with a child, took more than a year. Expecting to be matched with an older child, we had a surprise challenge when we got a 19-month-old toddler, Jeremiah. I must admit, it was much more work than we initially thought. Taking on a family presented a steep learning curve and affected every aspect of our lives. We learned we could handle much more than we thought, including changing diapers multiple times a day. We absolutely fell in love with our foster son Jeremiah and bonded with him quickly.
Working closely with social workers over 18 months we managed to help facilitate a reunion with Jeremiah and his biological mother. She was able to overcome her drug addiction and did everything required to safely and reliably care for her son. Her case was closed and she regained custody of her child. Thankful for everything we had done for her and her son, she asked us to remain a permanent part of Jeremiah's life. Our social worker acknowledged that she had never seen foster parents play such an important role in assisting a biological parent to successfully reunite with their child. Now, Jeremiah typically spends one weekend a month at our home.
Jeremiah leaving was still a difficult transition for us, however, during this time we met two brothers, Adrian, age 5 and Matthew, age 4, at a bowling event sponsored by the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. As it turned out they were a great fit for our family. We fostered the brothers for six months before our adoption became official on St. Patrick's Day 2016. This was fitting since the boys are considered "Irish Twins," born less than 12 months apart! Integrating the boys into our lives took time, they had no previous consistency or structure in their lives. However, by working closely with social workers, teachers and adoption support groups we were able to strengthen our bond with our newly adopted sons.
Their younger sibling, Rudy, because of his special needs, was placed with another couple who wanted one child. All of us involved with the boys and the families agreed that it would be in the brothers' best interest to spend as much time together as possible. We get together with Rudy and his adoptive parents once a month.
It’s truly magical when Adrian, Mathew, Rudy and Jeremiah are all together, especially since they all consider themselves brothers. Recently we had a birthday party for Adrian and all four boys were there, along with Rudy’s adoptive parents and Jeremiah’s biological mother. We firmly believe that Foster to Adopt can be a win-win situation and we definitely feel like we've hit the jackpot! Our view on family has forever changed and we are over the moon to be an important part of three families.
Click here to watch my award-winning documentary on gay marriage.
Biggest Challenges
When a social worker called us from Los Angeles Dept. of Children and Family Services to let us know there was an infant who needed placement in our home, she seemed hesitant once she heard that we were a same-sex couple.
Some family and co-workers indicated that perhaps we were too old to start building a family, being in our 50's.
The period to be matched with potential children for adoption took an extremely long time.
Some of the public school curriculum does not take into account children who are fostered or adopted.
I believe it is very important for LGBTQ families who foster and adopt to share their stories. There are so many misconceptions about the process. Also, it is important to share success stories.
Hearing from those who have gone through the process with positive results will encourage others to take that first step and open their hearts and homes to children in need.
Please cosponsor the Every Child Deserves A Family Act. Please oppose discrimination against LGBTQ youth and potential parents by foster care and adoption agencies.